Regrets Series: Quarter After One
by My one true love
Summary: It's never worked between them so why do they keep coming back to each other? Why can't they just let go and move on? It's a question that they both often ask themselves, but can't seem to answer. Fifth and final in series.


_**A/N: **So this is the last oneshot in a series of five. It's not required that you read the others but I would love it if you did. (The Best Part of Me, Easy to Pretend, Hard to Be Faithful & Tired of Waiting.) This can be a stand alone and honestly this one and the one were probably the best of them all. Please read and review. This story was inspired by the song 'Need You Now' by Lady Antebellum. Enjoy!_

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The phone was in her hand before she was even conscious of the thought. The number dialed by memory, a number that she knew better than to dial but couldn't help herself. Was he thinking of her? Did he wish that things were different? Did he wonder why the hell they couldn't seem to stay away from one another no matter how many times they said that they would?

It rang three times before going to voicemail and she felt her heart jump at the sound of his voice.

"_S'up. It's Puck. Leave it."_

Rachel sighed. She'd said that she wouldn't call and now that he hadn't answered she knew that she should just disconnect. There was no reason for her to leave a message - nothing good could come from it. But again it was like her body acted on its own accord.

"It's me." She paused. "I know that I said I wouldn't call, but…I just couldn't help it. I miss you Noah. I'm so lonely and I need you. I wish that I didn't, but that doesn't change the fact that I do." Another pause. "I don't even know why I'm calling."

She hung up the phone, closing her eyes against the threatening tears. Why couldn't she give him up? All he did was bring chaos into her life, all the way back to high school. He'd broken her heart when he'd decided that they couldn't be together and then the back and forth game that they'd played once she'd started dating Finn again. Just thinking about it brought back all the pain and the fury.

When he and Quinn had come back to say that they had eloped, eclipsing her engagement to Finn who she had married shortly after, she'd been devastated. But neither marriage had lasted and how could they have when the participants weren't fully involved in making it work? Her regret and inability to rid herself of the love she felt for Puck was what had ruined her marriage to Finn. And not just her marriage, but her friendship with him as well since they just couldn't seem to rebuild once they'd divorced.

It had been years after her own divorce that Puck and Quinn had called it quits, but the blame was the affair that the two of them had been having behind her back. The worst part was that the affair had been over for more than a year when Quinn had found the mementos that Puck had apparently held onto. Quinn had hunted her down, throwing the box of stuff at her and screamed at her before bursting into tears. Quinn blamed herself for going after Puck when she knew that he was in love with Rachel. She'd known that something was going on, but had refused to admit it. Shortly after that visit Puck had shown up at her door expecting her to take him in, but she'd fought against her desire to say yes and sent him packing.

Whenever they saw one another they tried to just be civil, to pretend that there was nothing more between them but it was just too hard. It was an unspoken decision that they'd made to stay away, but every once in awhile one of them would break down and phone the other. The last call had come in six months ago from Puck on what would have been Quinn and his fourth anniversary. She never answered his calls and he never answered her (yet another unspoken decision), but sometimes she really wished that she could speak with him.

Rachel curled up in her bed, arms around her legs as the tears began to fall. The pain never lessened, never became more bearable. She spent each and every day putting on a happy face, fighting to keep the pain from showing. She knew that it was for the best, her not seeing Puck, but it tore at her heart and soul each day that she didn't see or hear from him. He was the worst thing for her, but he was the only thing that she wanted.

She cried herself to sleep just as she did most nights, praying for relief from the pain.

xxx

Puck tossed back the shot that he'd held in his hand. Fuck, he was shit faced but he just kept drinking. He didn't know what else to do with himself. The drinking at least numbed the pain, although it was never completely gone.

As he signaled the bartender to bring him another he reached into his pocket to pull out his wallet, sending his phone flying. He stumbled off of his stool, scooping up the phone. Fuck.

On the screen was an oh-so familiar number, a number that he knew better than to call but there it was on his screen. That had to be fate or some shit. She had called him a few weeks ago, but he hadn't answered and hadn't bothered to cal her back. What was the point? To hear the same things over and over again? So that they could rehash the same things time and time again?

But fuck, he wanted to talk to her, to see her, to touch her. He closed his eyes as emotions rose within him. He'd been the one to fuck up the first time after graduation and he'd been the one to fuck up two years ago when she'd begged him to give up Quinn and stay with her. She'd told him once that he'd always love her more than he loved Quinn and she'd been right. Damn, it hurt to admit that even to himself.

He pressed the send button without another thought. What if she answered? What if she didn't answer? Fuck, at this point he didn't know which he'd prefer. It had been months since he'd last seen her and he would love to see her, but the chaos that they caused one another made him hope that she wouldn't answer.

"_You've reached Rachel Berry. I'm unable to answer my phone at this time, but if you'd leave your name and number I will return your call at my earliest convenience."_

Puck shook his head. He wanted to laugh every time he heard her message, it was so her. He debated leaving a message and when the beep sounded he figured why the hell not. "Berry. I was just calling – hell, I don't know why I'm calling. Okay maybe that's not true. I've had a bit to drink and I just couldn't – Ah fuck, never mind." He flipped his phone closed, slamming it down onto the bar. What the fuck had he been thinking?

He grabbed his drink, tossing it back in one swig. He knew that he needed to stay away from Rachel, but somehow something always drew them back towards one another. What he needed to do was drink until he forgot her name. Hell, he needed to drink until he forgot his own name. Now that sounded like a fucking great idea. He signaled the bartender for another round and sat back to drink himself into oblivion.

Xxx

Rachel sat in her apartment, drink in hand as she flipped through old photo albums. Tears ran down her cheeks as she looked at the pictures from high school, of a more innocent time. There she was with Puck, their arms around one another. Then there was the one of the two of them with Finn. They'd looked so happy, so full of life. So much had changed since then. They'd all changed so much since then.

She glanced over at her phone. Did she really want to call him? Not just yes, but hell yes. Should she call him? Definitely not. She picked it up, turning it over in her hand as she took another sip of her drink. Another tear slipped down her cheek unchecked and dropped onto the album. It had been three months since he'd called and left a message - just two weeks after she'd tried to call him. She hadn't answered his cal because she hadn't known what to say. But now, well now she just wanted to talk to him, to just hear his voice.

She flipped open the phone and began punching in the familiar number when the screen lit up, showing an incoming call. Holy crap. It was him. Did she answer?

Without giving herself a chance to change her mind she answered the call with just a quiet, "Hello?"

"Berry, open your door." His words were slurred but it was definitely him.

Rachel glanced at the clock. "Noah, its 12:45 at night. Why would I open the door?"

"Because I'm outside, damn it."

Rachel stared at the phone a moment, not sure she'd heard him right when the pounding on her door started. The pounding and the yelling.

"Berry! Open up the god damn door. I'm gonna keep pounding at the door until you let me in so you might as well open up."

Rachel shot out of seat, rushing to the door and throwing it open. Puck stood there, arm raised as if he were going to knock. He looked as incredible as always, head shaved and wearing his usual smirk. But just standing there he was bobbling a bit, he was drunk. "Noah, hush. You're going to wake up the entire building." She reached out and grabbing his hand pulled him into her apartment. "What are you doing here?"

"Didjya know that I love it when you call me Noah?" He grinned at her.

"You're drunk as a skunk."

"Damn straight." He reached for her, but she danced away. "Babe, c'mon."

"You're drunk Noah, you need to go home and sober up." Rachel sighed, looking away from him as she felt her chest tighten, the pain of seeing him becoming unbearable.

Puck reached for her again, actually catching her hand in his. "Rachel."

With that one word, spoken so seriously, he had her attention. Her eyes rose to meet his and she could see that although he'd had too much to drink he wasn't nearly as drunk as she'd had him pegged for. His eyes were too serious and she didn't know what to expect from him in this moment.

He tugged her closer until her body was snug against him, his lips hovering over hers. "I know that we shouldn't do this, but I just can't stay away. I'd rather deal with the pain than stay away."

Rachel smiled as his lips brushed hers. Though she did not speak the words aloud she knew that he understood that she felt the same way when she slowly led him to her room. They couldn't promise one another forever, or even tomorrow, but tonight they could do. They'd worry about tomorrow when it came.


End file.
